So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
