Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
