I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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