Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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