he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
