I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
