He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
