Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard