i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
