I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.