Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!