i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.