Church boner. Awkwardddd
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
