Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
