just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
