I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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