haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
