Christians are straight up FREAKS
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
