Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
