I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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