Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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