There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
