I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
