we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize