Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
