Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
