Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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