I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
