seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
