I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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