I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
