another moral hangover. fuck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
