the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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