He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
