I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she told me i tasted like america
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
