Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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