Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
