ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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