found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
