dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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