I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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