I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
