what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
