tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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