I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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