You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
