jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
