Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
