Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
