Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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