I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
