Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
