i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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