I want to make a zoo with you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
