don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
