There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
