So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
