maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize