I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
