let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
