If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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