She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
