I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
