nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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