Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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