I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
