Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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