Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
