I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
