chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
