I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
