dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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