he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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